by Steve Cook
The Britsh space effort, which last year put a Chimpanzee on the Isle of Wight, has today received a massive post-Brexit shot in the arm with the news that a major manufacturer will sponsor the construction of an all-British space station, known as the Missionary I on acount of the fact that its orbit will be geosynchronous and thus occupy just one position.
This is great news for the country, which recently gained its independence from the Belgian Empire and is now owned only by Nathan Rothschild and a consortium of no more than a hundred corporate oligarchs, and its Space Programme (known as Spexit).
Previous efforts to build an all-British station have been hampered by logistical problems such as difficulty in finding metals and alloys made in Britain, not to mention parts, money, scientists and so forth.
The new sponsorship deal, thought to be worth in excess of £1 billion per year, will change all that, - albeit the sponsor is not actually British but, instead, foreign - by ignoring the above-mentioned facts in the hope that they will go away.
The space station is heralded as the first stepping stone to conquest of the Moon and the plunder of its natural resources (mainly rock) as plunder of natural resources on Earth has tended to upset the people living on top of them - although anyone stupid enough to live on top of natural resources is, when you think about it, just asking for trouble.
|Legonauts transform their rocket into a space station|
The new materials will, for example, enable a rocket to be built in days, launched and then, once in orbit, disassembled by its crew (henceforth known as legonauts) and reassembled in the form of a comfy space station.
Space is, scientists believe, all around us, which is quite worrying. The New Scientist has described it as a large vacuum with rocks in it and the previous British approach to space exploration of pretending not to look directly at it is to be phased out in favour of the more annoying American approach of glaring at it and threatening it with invasion.
The first of the new generation of Lego rockets (pictured right) is already under construction at a secret location in or near the postcode MM4 RU7.
Search for a suitable crew for the first mission, which brings with it a fifty-fifty chance of certain death or getting killed, whichever comes sooner, is to be fully democratic: the public will vote in a referendum on whom they would like to send into space.
Opinion polls released yesterday currently have Tony Blair as the front runner. Evidently well over 60% of Brits would vote for him to be sent into space and of these only 3% would approve the costly safety precaution of supplying him with oxygen.