Scientists have discovered that vaccines are Brilliant

And we are not even lying this time!

Intro

This is the first article by our new columnist, Dave Trewth PHd

Dave is a professor of Applied Reverse Psychology at the University of Bunkum.

Scientists have discovered that Vaccines are Brilliant! 

I am very happy to report that scientists throughout the Eugenics industry have proven conclusively in thousands of press releases and other works of science fiction that the new, totally cool and not always harmful Pfizer and Moderna experimental biochemical agents are a "BOON TO MANKIND". 

Dandruff: the Horror Exposed!

Horrific news more horrifying than the previous horror, everybody horrified

by Steve Cook

Shock news just in is that scientists have discovered that a new mutation of the terrifyingly horrific media-borne Convid virus is on the loose.

Secret scientists working secretly for the government have discovered that they are worried that the Convid virus might have conveniently yet at the same time horrifyingly mutated yet again!

COVID19 spreads to soft drinks, shock!

Coca Cola self isolates

Government left with no choice but to do something demented.

by Steve Cook

The terrifying media-borne virus known as CON19, which has struck down millions of people the world over with terrifyingly undetectable symptoms frighteningly similar to being not at all ill, has now spread to soft drinks!

Scientists have discovered COVID19 causes brain damage!

GOVERNMENT TO BE QUARANTINED - NATION REJOICES

by Steve Cook

Scientists leading drive to push back the boundaries of common sense and discover new and improved ways to make people wet themselves have made an unexpected discovery.

It has now been established beyond reasonable thought that COVID19 causes brain damage in Ministers, members of Parliament and other people with a weakened personality.

Pfizer "just like Jesus" says UK Health Sec

Tests show miracle vax 100% safe for those who don't take it.

by Steve Cook

 The UK Health Secretary, Matt Crocodile, today declared that the pharmaceutical company Pfizer is "just like Jesus". 

Speaking to a hushed and largely servile House of Commons (pictured above), he broke down and openly wept tears of joy at  how Pfizer's scientists, after minutes of extensive research in which every stone was left unturned in the search for a magic potion that would solve all the government's problems, had achieved,

"a genuine miracle on a par with turning the Dead Sea into a basket of loaves and fishes like what it says in the Bible".

People with COVID19 are living longer boasts pandemic supremo

Government efforts to spread disease vindicated.

by Steve Cook
Our man in an oxygen tent

The shock news that, whilst the average life span of Britons is 81.5 years, people who die of COVID19 are on average 82.4 years old, has spurred the government to ramp up its efforts to spread the disease.

The government was quick to take credit for its efforts over recent months to get as many people as possible infected so as to prolong the lives of millions of Britons.