People with COVID19 are living longer boasts pandemic supremo

Government efforts to spread disease vindicated.

by Steve Cook
Our man in an oxygen tent

The shock news that, whilst the average life span of Britons is 81.5 years, people who die of COVID19 are on average 82.4 years old, has spurred the government to ramp up its efforts to spread the disease.

The government was quick to take credit for its efforts over recent months to get as many people as possible infected so as to prolong the lives of millions of Britons.

Government to put army of Psychic Marshals on the streets

Clairvoyant "vibe sensing" to replace less accurate PCR test.


In a new twist in the hunt for the pandemic that is believed to be lurking undetected somewhere in Britain in open defiance of government statistics, it was announced today that, "ten thousand psychics" will be hired to help in what has become known as the "War on Common Sense".

This latest move comes in the wake of a discovery made as recently as last February that the PCR test is - in the words of one expert - "totally shite" at detecting whether a person has COVID19.

Conservative scientists now believe that COVID19 wiped out the dinosaurs

New Daily Scare columnist Dave Trewth reports

by Steve Cook

The Daily Scare has a new columnist! 

Dave Trewth (motto: "your government would never lie to you - unless it is Labour") provides an unbiased, reasoned commentary on the day's political events and spares no blushes in telling everyone how brilliant Boris Johnson is. Here is his very first article and if he survives we trust it will be the first of many!

Conservative scientists now believe that  COVID19 wiped out the dinosaurs
by Dave Trewth

I've been absolutely terrified by this virus!

Prime Minister announces three tier COVID Terror system

The nation appalled (but also terrified so going along with it)

by Steve Cook

The Prime Minister, speaking last night to a masked nation, from his luxury anti-virus bunker on an Earth-like planet, has revealed that the so-called COVID Terror may be more terrifying than first thought!

People are living longer with COVID19 says Pandemic Supremo

Government efforts to spread disease vindicated

by Steve Cook

Our man in an oxygen tent

The shock news that, whilst the average life span of Britons is 81.5 years, people who die of COVID19 are on average 82.4 years old, has spurred the government to ramp up its efforts to spread the disease.

The government was quick to take credit for its efforts over recent months to get as many people as possible infected so as to prolong the lives of millions of Britons.

Mentally ill man spotted in Downing Street

 

Public advised to socially distance or bring down with a tranquiliser dart if possible

by Steve Cook 
Typo City 23/9/20

A tousle-haired, mentally ill man believed to be suffering from the rare psychiatric illness PMD (Prime Muppet Disorder) was today spotted cavorting in and around Downing Street and people such as voters were advised to approach him with extreme caution.

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