Government announces ban on speaking Welsh to halt the spread of media-borne infection

 by Steve  Cook

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Hysteria, Jane Fibbs, this morning announced to a hushed and cynical press gathering in which dozens of top journalists pretended to listen, the following measures designed to halt the spread of Covid19 infection and other media-borne diseases.

Vaccines haven't killed anybody important, the nation rejoices!

by Steve Cook

The government, its pharmaceutical industry overlords and similar eugenics cartels are today breathing a sigh of relief at the news that Covid vaccines have not killed anybody important.

Latest top-secret research, due to be released some time after the end of the century, is reported to show that whilst vaccinated plebs are dropping like flies in vast numbers, elite sectors of society such as billionaires, politicians, warmongers, journalists, members of elite clubs such as Save The Aged Oligarch and Friends of Jeffrey Epstein and similar Top People have for mysterious reasons that have baffled officialdom, been spared the carnage.

Government to ban beer and other greenhouse beverages to save the planet

 by Steve Cook

Experts have discovered that efforts to save the environment from the weather and other threats have not gone far enough in so far as the air still has carbon dioxide in it and people have been inexplicably reluctant to adopt the highly recommended Stone Age lifestyle that rejects the evils of civilization in favour of lives that are less harmful to the planet by virtue of being much shorter.

British scientists discover pothole virus

by Steve Cook

For many months people have blamed the epidemic of potholes, craters and fissures that have suddenly and embarrassingly turned British Roads into the battlefield of the Somme circa 1914 on gormless or corrupt local councils negligently chucking taxpayers' millions at inept cowboys posing unconvincingly as highway engineers whilst being manifestly clueless as to how to actually build or repair a road.

But it now appears that the state of British roads has nothing to do with irresponsible councils or cowboy "engineers" taking them for a ride (pardon the pun) but a hitherto undiscovered variant of the Covid 19.

Yes, indeed!

Famed movie stuntman to attempt world's most dangerous stunt.

by Steve Cook

Renowned stuntman Dave Crash, famous for his complete lack of fear or, indeed, common sense, has
announced that he will soon attempt to push back the boundaries of his profession by attempting a stunt that no man has yet ... er, attempted, and lived to tell the tale.

Dave's career as a stunt man began after he spent his early working life as a pothole installer for his local Highways Department.