Breaking News! Every citizen soon to have a variant named after them?

Government reveals "titanic raft of measures" designed to win the War on Democracy

by Steve Cook

In what has been described as a massive u-turn in its War on Democracy the government has announced proposals to give every citizen the opportunity to have a Covid 19 Variant named after them.

Speaking from a sterile bunker under the Cabinet Office, the Minister for Hysteria, Jane Fibbs explained that,


"It is now well established that viruses mutate slightly about once every five minutes, producing nearly identical variants in such profusion it is hard to keep thinking up names for them. This is just the sort of sneaky trick we expect of viruses . . . "

Rapid-profit, Test-and-Jab system launched

People to test themselves hourly for 115 infectious diseases: public overjoyed as has nothing better to do

by Steve Cook

Speaking for the government pursuant to stipulations of the Freedom of Disinformation Act 2020, Janet Gaff-Smother of the Ministry of Hysteria announced yesterday that the government is planning to get every person and household pet (except goldfish) in the UK to test themselves for Covid19 every hour for the next 83 years or until they die of Covid, whichever comes sooner.

Ye Inquisition Debunketh ye Fake News!

by Steve Cook

The social ill of people insisting on not thinking what they are told to think by politicians and other subversive cults campaigning against the evils of rational thought and thereby threatening politicians and journalists with mental illness is not new. This recently discovered fragment of parchment discovered during the excavation of a mediaeval latrine in Chipping Sodbury shows how the battle against fake news is an ancient one with quite a pedigree.

It is quoted here in full:

A brand new superhero joins the fight against Reality!

LATEST MOVIE BY SALAZAAR BIM TO BE RELEASED ON BRAINFLIX THIS EASTER

by Steve Cook

Legendary Bulgarian film maker Salazaar Bim (The DaVinci Covid, The Mediatrix, The Man Who Lost His Sandwich) has just completed production of his latest blockbuster, a film loosely based on the Drivel Comics “masked villain/superhero” theme.

Scientists discover the UK government is brilliant

Gang of Loons not demented, shock

by Steve Cook

A jubilant Boris Johnson posting on his official Facebook page, "BJ Fawning Sycophants", today sent the world reeling and gasping with indifference when he announced the discovery by scientists that he and his government, affectionately known by the British people and other dissident movements as "The Gang of Loons", are really brilliant and not at all demented after all.

Hollywood script writers' coup, UK government falls

Sciency movie scripts shape national policy

by Steve Cook

Researchers may have discovered the answer as to why many Brits are suffering from what psychiatrists are calling "Disney Syndrome", which is the sensation that reality has been replaced by a badly stitched together, implausible movie script. 

The answer came recently in the form of recent shock revelations that shockingly revealed the recent shock news that the movie "Contagion" inspired the government's rollout of what is now known as the "Covid Terror", at one time believed to have been similar to an actual pandemic.