"Boil Back Better!" says Boris

Government issues new genius advice for saving on your energy bills as the costs of luxuries such as boiling a kettle rise.

by Steve Cook

Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's incredibly useful advice for consumers to buy a new kettle in order to save a whopping £10 per year on their energy bills, Downing Street has issued another brilliant energy-saving tip.

Scientists have discovered that Covid19 wiped out the dinosaurs

by Steve Cook

The shock news today is that Covid 19 has been renamed by some secret WHO scientists working in a lab beneath Bill Gates.

It will henceforth be referred to as the Stealth Virus because it makes millions of people ill without their even realising they are ill and fools them into thinking it is not at all deadly by not killing them (or making them ill).

And this places them in the very real danger of recovering without ever knowing they were sick!

Vaccines proven innocent beyond reasonable thought

An amendment to the official definition of "dead" designed to eliminate anomalies such as

people being incorrectly labelled 'deceased" simply because they have stopped breathing has led to a startling discovery.

As Doctor Statts of the Office of National  Psyops explained"

"Once you factor in our improvement of the definition of 'death' a remarkable thing emerges: hardly anybody has died from the Covid Jab! This came as a bit of a shock on account of people dropping like flies after being jabbed but, well, the statistics cannot lie! Well, not this time at least."

Athlete's Foot may cause strokes/heart attacks say top secret scientists.

A shock new discovery has emerged from thousands of painstaking scientific press releases

that may alleviate the current several-hours-long shortage of things to be terrified about that has terrorised Britain, whilst adding to the growing mountain of evidence that the world is run by extremely rich mental patients.

The discovery was announced this morning by the Ministry of Hysteria in the form of a 150 word report that goes into scant detail about the newly-discovered link between Athlete's Foot and heart attacks and strokes.

SHOCK NEWS IN BRIEF

by Steve Cook

Scientists have discovered the primary cause of heart attacks in the 5-95 age group.

Shock revelations from the Klaus Loon Centre for Global Dementia have now exposed the shocking hitherto unknown shocking fact that is bound to . . . er shock millions of people into an extreme bout of a mental illness known to experts as Blind Stupidity (BS).

New improved PCR Test to be introduced next week

by Steve Cook

Britain's Deputy Vaccine Dictator of the Department of Eugenicide, Hannibal Van Dim, announced this morning that a new improved PCR test will be introduced across the country by the end of the week.

The current test, which relies on a nasal swab using a QTip coated with graphene oxide, is to be scrapped as "too cheap" and being prone to giving too few false positives to justify pinning on it any longer all the government's hopes of bringing the nation a truly convincing pandemic.