In what has been described as a massive u-turn in its War on Democracy the government has announced proposals to give every citizen the opportunity to have a Covid 19 Variant named after them.
Speaking from a sterile bunker under the Cabinet Office, the Minister for Hysteria, Jane Fibbs explained that,
"It is now well established that viruses mutate slightly about once every five minutes, producing nearly identical variants in such profusion it is hard to keep thinking up names for them. This is just the sort of sneaky trick we expect of viruses . . . "