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President-elect to endorse the Turnip

One of the most closely guarded secrets of the American presidential elections is that Donald
Trump is secretly planning to endorse the turnip as soon as he takes over as Leader of the Free World (Mars).
by Steve Cook

This follows recent startling scientific discoveries that the turnip, long regarded by food lovers everywhere as the world's most boring vegetable, is in fact the most nutritious, which when you think about it is not exactly the kind of news an increasing health-and-diet-conscious nation wants to hear.

Be that as it may, researchers at the Institute for Food Fad Research in the UK have proved conclusively that the turnip is more jam-packed with vital nutrients than any other natural food known to man.