Just when you thought it was safe to go to the Cinema . . .

The World is afflicted by a new biological anomaly as the superhero pandemic spreads

by Steve Cook

Thus far the pandemic has spawned a variety of mutations and we have become accustomed here in Sodom City to seeing heterosexual animal-related superheroes like Wolverine, Spiderman, Batman, Ant Man, Cat Woman and Robin climbing up the sides of buildings, breaking the speed limit, damaging real estate and beating people up in imaginative ways.
The superhero pandemic has, as you know, since spread the length and breadth of the land as the human DNA has become not so much a blueprint as a suggestion, with all manner of ordinary folk transmogrifying at the drop of a chromosome into a variety of bizarre hybrids with astounding super powers. We have seen Wombat Woman, Panda Person, Crocodile Kid, Lego Man and, of course, the unforgettable Mr Potato Head but just when you thought it was safe to go to the cinema, a new trans gender superhero is all set to burst - or indeed, mince - onto the silver screen.

The adventures of Ladybird Boy, a character that comes to you courtesy of Drivel Comics (www.desperate-for-ideas.com) begin with a chance mishap with a radioactive false boob implant during a routine sex-change operation.

The soon-to-be sexually ambiguous superhero Gary Jones (aka Dolores Hardwick) is at the same time as being heavily irradiated in the manner of a pork chop in a microwave, bitten by a small red and black beetle of the family Coccinellidae (what are the odds?) and this, naturally, alters his/her DNA in Ways Unknown to Science.

The already transformed Gary/Dolores finds herself rather more drastically transformed than even he/she had bargained for.

Thus a perfectly normal and routine life-saving trans gender operation, the sort that is done a million times a day on the NHS, becomes trans-species. Indigestion occasioned by a too-tight bra after eating a tin of GMO Spam thereafter triggers a dramatic metamorphosis into Ladybird Boy, who is soon known in the Spanish-speaking world as El Coccinellida.

As well as finding herself suddenly unable to fit into the new red mini dress she just bought especially for meeting her wife's parents [Confused? Not half as much as poor Gary apparently] our superhero discovers her skill set expanded from flouncing, mincing and pouting to include some of the deadly abilities with which the ladybird is so terrifyingly endowed. These include, scuttling, fluttering, nesting in handbags and an enhanced ability to crawl up trouser legs.

How will our hero(ine) use these remarkable super abilities to Fight Crime and Bring Justice to Sodom City by punishing lots of people without trial?

Well, to find out you will have to sit through 105 episodes of The Ambiguous Adventures of LadyBird Boy [subtitle: Kids, do NOT try this at home!] by TGirl Productions.

You will recognise the new series by its catchy theme song:
🎜"Ladybird Man, Ladybird Maaaaaaaan
Does everything a ladybird caaaaaaan...
When the song's composer was asked why the song is entitled "Ladybird Man" when the character is called Ladybird Boy, he explained that there were insurmountable technical issues with the composition. These centred around the difficulty of finding anything to rhyme with "Boy".