Happy People may be Mentally Ill - say not-at-all-mentally-ill doctors
Some mentally ill people
Scientific research unexpectedly pinpoints an imbalance of chemicals in the brain amid fears of an epidemic. by Steve Cook
As you know, psychiatrists strive continually to find ways to improve the health and well-being of the pharmaceutical industry and to bring to our society the tranquillity so characteristic of the planet's best and most peaceful graveyards.
They have long since identified cheerful or lively people as being among society's most troublesome elements. It is only recently however that scientific research, the nature of which must remain confidential, has discovered the source of this worrying condition: an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
According to experts, the brain produces a surfeit of happy chemicals, the overabundance of which nullifies the normal supply of miserable chemicals.
Some mentally ill people
This explains why some people insist on being happy or cheerful despite being told not to by their televisions or the efforts of the media and governments the world over to stimulate the brain's production of miserable chemicals.
The condition is now listed as a mental illness in psychiatry's diagnostic manual and is known as ICS (Inordinately Chirpy Syndrome). It can affect entire families and experts fear it might be contagious. Many people, it is believed, can be happy for years without realising there is something seriously wrong with them
Some of the symptoms by which a sufferer can be identified and incarcerated before he or she infects anybody else are:
Often seen smiling
Displays optimism which can annoy other sectors of the community (psychiatrists)
Active for extended periods of time
Has trouble approaching life's challenges without enthusiasm
Habitually regards problems as opportunities instead of reasons to quit
Often seems unable to enter into recriminations on Facebook
Anyone displaying these symptoms should seek professional help to get their brain re-wired as they
Some complete loons
are, according to a scientific report by Dr WantmeHeddexamind of the Brain-U-Like Institute, "complete loons".
It is known, however, that the human brain has evolved over millions of years into needing the help of pills manufactured by Big Pharma in order to work properly, and so the pharmaceutical giant Druggem Inc has produced a cure in the form of a new drug that . . .