"Boil Back Better!" says Boris

Government issues new genius advice for saving on your energy bills as the costs of luxuries such as boiling a kettle rise.

by Steve Cook

Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's incredibly useful advice for consumers to buy a new kettle in order to save a whopping £10 per year on their energy bills, Downing Street has issued another brilliant energy-saving tip.

Boiling kettles can be expensive. The cost of boiling 2 kilos of tap water in an average kettle in order to fill a hot water bottle can often put the average household behind on the rent.

As you know, hot water bottles can be lifesavers in the winter when the government's phasing out of energy and other iniquities of Communism have made luxuries such as heating available only to the rich. But hot water bottles tend to lose heat and cool down rapidly, requiring further expensive  boiling of water to heat them up again.

But government scientists have discovered that insulating your hot water bottle enables it to retain its heat for up to five times as long, thus saving you the fortune it costs you every time you put the kettle on.

Their advice then is to purchase a roll of foil bubble insulating material from Homebase or similar DIY store and use it to make a simple cosy in which to encase each of your hot water bottles.

Once secured inside their insulating material envelope, their heat is kept from escaping into your bed and your hot water bottles can retain their heat all night long and save you another £10 a year!

Prime Ministerial candidate LizTruss, speaking to a charity dinner in aid of the chinless said, "We should be proud of the fact that we in Britain have more fully insulated hot water bottles than the French!"

Scientists have discovered that falling asleep can often cause a lowering of body temperature leading to symptoms similar to hypothermia.