by Steve Cook
For many months people have blamed the epidemic of potholes, craters and fissures that have suddenly and embarrassingly turned British Roads into the battlefield of the Somme circa 1914 on gormless or corrupt local councils negligently chucking taxpayers' millions at inept cowboys posing unconvincingly as highway engineers whilst being manifestly clueless as to how to actually build or repair a road.
But it now appears that the state of British roads has nothing to do with irresponsible councils or cowboy "engineers" taking them for a ride (pardon the pun) but a hitherto undiscovered variant of the Covid 19.
As we all know it has been proven beyond rational thought by secret scientists using top secret science that Covid 19 causes almost all problems, such as strokes in toddlers, prenatal depression, killer vaccines, life-threatening dandruff, climate change, catastrophic shedding of IQ by governments and so on and so forth.And now those very same scientists using something similar to science and not at all influenced by the government or in the pay of vested interests, have miraculously discovered that a hitherto unknown strain of Covid is responsible for the outbreak of potholes and craters that have blighted and often killed British roads over the past three years!
This shock discovery unexpectedly lets councils right off the hook and places the blame squarely where it belongs: sheer bad luck that nobody can prosecute anybody for.
Scientists are working flat out to find an expensive remedy for the Covid Road Virus that will work in at least 0.2% of cases.
The government meanwhile will be introducing a ban on cars, the so-called "six foot rule" by which cars are banned from making journeys of more than six feet. This is because cars are believed to be the main carrier of the virus, but not the electric ones of course.
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