Creeping menace continues to lurk

by Steve Cook

News is just coming in that the invisible creeping menace that everybody feared might start lurking at any moment is in fact lurking much more than was first feared.

We reported earlier on how it first started skulking last month, although not sufficiently menacingly as to instill dread but the situation quickly escalated when it began to show all the worrying hallmarks of creeping and then rapidly mutated into outright lurking.

The deteriorating situation has given millions of people good reasons to be terrified as the lurking has now gone global and the threat has been upgraded to menace.

The government is advising everyone to stay indoors, stay tuned to your TV and absorb as many subliminal messages as you can while there is still time. Not doing anything in the traditional, patriotic manner, is regarded as the best response to the menace at this time.

Researchers, who cannot be identified for security reasons, can reveal the telltale signs by which this latest threat can be identified. They are:

  • It is both invisible and impending.
  • It is vague and nobody knows how or where it started or, indeed, where it will end.
  • It tends to creep or lurk.
  • It tends you get you before you know it is there and if it were not for the fact of media advertising, nobody would be aware of its existence.
  • There is nothing you can do about it.
Officials in the Ministry of Threats, however, are considering the possibility that there might be cause for optimism. The government has long been concerned about declining stocks of the threats so vital for maintaining the status quo and preventing citizens and other threats to democracy from getting any funny ideas so this latest menace may just be the tonic the nation needs.


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